Healthy Relationships and Disability

Healthy relationships when living with a disability

As for everyone, healthy relationships are important for people living with disability. Having a physical or intellectual disability doesn’t change your needs for a loving relationship with another person or your desire to express it.

When people living with disability form intimate relationships, they often experience cultural stereotypes and prejudices that can be hurtful and damaging. People living with disabilities are sometimes expected to be “with their own kind”. If they have intimate relationships with unimpaired people, they sometimes face assumptions about the “real” reasons for the relationship – such as dependency. People with intellectual disabilities may even be thought of as incapable of being able to understand and have a romantic, sexual and fulfilling relationship with a partner.

None of this is true. Love is love and people living with disabilities have the same desires as everyone else. Relationships may be a little more complex for people living with disabilities but they can be just as amazing.

See the Easterseals website for Stories of love and dating, sex and intimacy by people living with disability

‘Love is in the air’ - The Dateables is a short documentary on love, sexuality and dating, as experienced by those on the spectrum of intellectual disability

See training for people with an intellectual disability or a cognitive impairment on healthy and respectful relationships

Sexual activity and disability

A disability might affect your physical ability to engage in sexual activity or affect your confidence and make you uncertain about having sex. Lots of people – with or without a disability – can feel anxious about sex and sexual performance. These are natural feelings.

Your disability may mean that you have to approach sexual activity differently or that you look for pleasure differently. Take things slow and easy, especially at first. Sex doesn’t have to be physically active. Work out what gives you pleasure, as well as what pleases your partner.

You may also have questions and concerns relating to your physical or emotional health. You should discuss these with your doctor or counsellor/psychologist.

Remember that intimacy in a relationship is more emotional than physical:

ResearchLearn what you can about your condition and what it means for you — **Research**
Learn what you can about your condition and what it means for you

CommunicateBe open about your feelings and concerns, and be upfront about your needs — **Communicate**
Be open about your feelings and concerns, and be upfront about your needs

Look out for each otherBoth you and your partner may have low periods where you need extra support — **Look out for each other**
Both you and your partner may have low periods where you need extra support

Be KindTry doing something nice for your partner every day to build intimacy and loving feelings — **Be Kind**
Try doing something nice for your partner every day to build intimacy and loving feelings

See FriendsStaying socially connected helps in keeping positive — **See Friends**
Staying socially connected helps in keeping positive

Accept your new normalIf you acquired your disability, such as from an accident or chronic illness, try to accept that your relationship may be forever changed and find out what works for you now — **Accept your new normal**
If you acquired your disability, such as from an accident or chronic illness, try to accept that your relationship may be forever changed and find out what works for you now

Deal with stressTry to address emerging stresses so they don’t affect your life, including your desire to be physically intimate — **Deal with stress**
Try to address emerging stresses so they don’t affect your life, including your desire to be physically intimate

Get Professional HelpCounselling can offer an outside perspective if your relationship problems seem too big — **Get Professional Help**
Counselling can offer an outside perspective if your relationship problems seem too big

Adapted from the Better Health Victoria website